A VERY SHITTY TRAIL

A hash trash, brought to you by the birthday bimbo herself, Shitty Kitty!:

Shitty Kitty’s 50th brought to the N2H3 by Hare Krotchna, Gymnasty and Love Seat!

Wow did I ever feel like some special kitty last night!!! The trail started out like any other N2 trail – well, with the exception of a # of defectors / shitty-kitty-loyalists from the Stumptown. But, when I was handed a Mojito on the first beer check, I knew this trail would be different. As Can’t Finish led the pack in Alouette-ah! that covered every part of my face before finally addressing my sagging boobs and ample backside (note to Can’t Finish, the refrain is as follows: Alouette, gentille alouette, Alouette, je te plumerai –the last bit translating to “I pluck you” since the original is about plucking a bird) … a COP showed up!!! I was worried at first, but his unseemly tight shorts reminiscent of Reno 911 and long, hard flashlight made me wonder if perhaps I was in store for … you guessed it! A striptease by Power Puker and his thong with Felcher on boom box. Cops aren’t historically my type but P.P. gives me reason to reconsider … he was sizzling hot! I think there was a 2nd, more traditional beer check but all I remember was about 20 angry hashers waiting for their guest of honor to arrive at the ON-IN so they could dig into an amazing spread put on by Hare and Gymnasty! We’re talking gourmet grape leaves, lamb & chicken gyros, hummus and tzatziki (not the cheap kind, this was from Whole Foods!!) complimented by avocado daiquiris and finally, a Love Seat-inspired massive penis cake with chocolate sprinkle ball stubble and home-made vanilla custard raging up the center! (I hope Hash Flash got a photo of it.) Religion was peppered by many Dead Ho songs which brought to tears (the laughing kind) our 25-year-hasing ho and wanker visitors from the Carolinas. In response to a bestiality crime-on-trail, Can’t Finish belted out a virtuoso rendition of Billy Joel’s “You’re Always a Pussy to Me” (or something like that) which nearly brought down the house. But this is all just a bunch of this and that compared to the crowning performance of the evening … a completely nude StinkFinger jumping out of a birthday cake!!!! Until last night I always wondered what Wet Spots saw in him but now I know J. Hot tubbing (with Gymnasty as tub-side waiter), sport drinking and gratuitous sex followed.

–Shitty Kitty